ADHD & The Wall of Trauma

I’ve recently learnt about a concept in the ADHD world / something we come up against and really wanted to share, as perhaps it might help you this week? 

A little context and then I am going to share some bite sized resources for you to soak up in your own time to understand something that is considered “The Wall of Awful”.

Have you ever found yourself approaching / thinking / considering a task and wondered why something that should be considered “easy” – so difficult for you? (I am imagining you virtually raising your hand right now saying YES TARAH, ME! 😜)

I am here to tell you – THERE’S MORE TO THIS! And you are not alone…. Because, same. 

As ADHDers, if there has been a time in your life you have approached a simple task like a phone call and perhaps that call didn’t go quite the way you anticipated? Disappointment brick. Rejection brick. These are emotional bricks that essentially over time, build this emotional “wall” to the task – the wall of awful.

That is explaining this in the simplest of terms, but we thought you may like to listen in a little more detail about this in the below 2 videos. 

We hope these helped!


More tips on Motivating the ADHD Brain

Have you ever heard the term “eat the frog” when referring to productivity or the way in which you may tackle your day (whether it be work or personal)? 

It refers to essentially tackling what we would refer to as our “most challenging task” of the day first. Eg: need to follow-up something, make that doctor’s appointment, make a phone call? Generally, it’s suggested that you do this first and then you can move on with your day with more ease….

Have you tried this and it hasn’t quite worked for you? You aren’t crazy!!! The “Eating the Frog” tactic doesn’t usually work for ADHDers and here’s why:

We have an interest-based nervous system, so for many of us, this approach usually leaves us in a state of ADHD paralysis, and overwhelmed…

So what can we do instead?

We can: “Eat Dessert First”

Instead of starting with the most challenging task, begin your day with a task that is enjoyable or rewarding — your “dessert.” This task should be something that gets you moving and builds your motivation momentum. It could be something small and manageable that gives you a sense of “I did it”, or an activity that you genuinely like.

How “Eating Dessert First” Works:

✨Engagement: Starting with a task you enjoy can increase your engagement and make it easier to start your day on a positive note.

✨Reward: Completing an enjoyable task first provides an immediate sense of reward, which can be motivating and set a positive tone for the day.

✨Momentum: Once you’ve started and completed your “dessert” task, you’ve built some initial momentum. It’s often easier to keep going and tackle more challenging tasks once you’re already in motion.

HOT Tip: Make It Sweet

Choose your “dessert” task the night before, so you know exactly what you’re looking forward to when you start your day. 

➡️Your Activity

Consider your “dessert” task that helps you build motivation for the day, perhaps share it with your partner, a friend, family member?


ADHD & The Importance of Night Time Routine

I wanted to talk a little bit today about the importance of a night time routine when you have ADHD. We all know us ADHERs generally struggle to wind down, calm our brains and relax to be able to get a restful night’s sleep. It’s also very normal to not want a structure and routine (what do you mean I have to act like I am a child again having a set bedtime?)… As mundane as this sounds, our bodies really do function well under a little bit of structure when it comes to sleepy time!

I am not here to tell you to go to bed at 9pm on the dot as LETS BE REAL, even my routine I have created needs to allow flexibility and it’s never perfect – this is why it’s working for me – as I have given myself grace….that sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t (and in those times, I just try again the next day) but just keep consistent where possible. So here’s a few tips (I am not here to share MINE as what works for me won’t for you).

  • A max of 3-5 ‘steps’ 
  • Keep your bedroom as distraction free as possible 
  • Do your best to not throw the routine out the window on the weekends
  • If possible, low or no electronics an hour before bed will do wonders
  • If you are a fidgeter, look into things that might help you to with this (one of our Neurospicy Fam suggests something below) 
  • Lights off at a certain time
  • White noise 

These may all seem rather simple, but when combined, can make a huge difference in getting a restful night’s sleep.


ADHD Key Terms

Have you ever heard the terms Doom Piles, Sensory Processing, ADHD Tax, and Object Blindness?

These are all key terms used within the ADHD world.

When Baz and I met, he had no idea about all of these terms, what they meant and how they affected me. I wish I could say that we quickly realised the importance of Baz understanding them all but it took us a long time….. As I have shared before, Baz and I broke up 3 times in the early days before we really started to understand ourselves and one another and how to best work with my ADHD symptoms together.

I thought in this post I’d share just one of these and how it shows up for me as an ADHDer + once Baz was able to understand it, how he could support me and our relationship did not have to suffer because of it.

Doom Piles …. Here’s a short Tik Tok that we wanted to share to explain more (and cos we love TT and it makes things more fun haha) – HERE

Initially, Baz thought I was just an unorganised mess until he learnt about my Doom Piles! Throughout my house I have lots of baskets – I pile things in there and it may look like a complete mess BUT I know what is in them! And when I have the energy or time, at my own leisure I can sort them out and Baz knows not to touch my baskets!!! Before we learnt this about Doom Piles …. let’s just say there were some disagreements haha!

If you’re in a romantic relationship, it is so important to understand the impact ADHD can have on your relationship. Understanding the key terms used, and what they mean and having a discussion about how you can support one another to manage these is an amazing first step.

I hope this little tip helped!


Motivating the ADHD Brain

On our podcast episode with Jesse J. Anderson recently, I shared a little about how my ADHD shows up in my day-to-day life (and how it has since I was young). 

One of the things I spoke about was my tendency to essentially put things off until they were an absolute must eg: when I was in uni, I would have two full weeks off to study for my exams, but I would cram that study into 2 days before the exams. In the ADHD world, this is essentially referred to as “Time Blindness”. 

I went through my university degree without really knowing how my ADHD brain worked. I spent YEARS trying to essentially fit myself into this “neurotypical box” of ‘what I should be doing’ and what being a good student looked like (studying every day in that 2-week break for my exams because everyone else was!) But no matter how hard I tried it just didn’t work and ultimately I would just end up falling back into this pattern of cramming.

What I learnt down the track was that when things became URGENT for me, my productivity and kicked into overdrive. I was hyper-focused, I was retaining what I was doing and the motivation was there. So I started to lean into this and have confidence in myself that I knew this is how I operated best to get the desired outcome. This was a massive “aha” moment for me. 

So what did I start to do differently? 

I began to use that two-week study break differently. I spent 1.5 weeks resting, going to the beach, catching up with friends, exercising, getting my study space set up, cleaning it, and getting my books organised. And then… BAM. 2 days before the exams I was ready to go, the urgency was there and I studied like my life depended on it. And I smashed the exams! 

By the way… If you’re in school or uni currently, I am not suggesting this is something that you should personally do. Because what works for me may not work for you! What even works for me one week or month may not work for me the next.

The whole point is that ADHD can show up SO differently for everyone but the more you take the time to understand how it shows up for you…and what works for you… only then can you begin to implement the strategies to start to manage it. 

I hope this helped or was ‘food for thought’ for you as they say. 


ADHD & Intimacy

Comin’ at ya today with a little bit of a spicy edition to the tips…. 

We know that ADHD can affect our relationships in a broader sense but have you considered how it has an affect on your spicy life?

There may be things that are or are not happening in the bedroom that you feel you can’t speak to someone about, have a hard time communicating to your partner or feel a little alone with.

So today I want to touch on “7 ways ADHD can impact your sex and intimacy” 

  • You can get bored of sex (or hyperfocus on it)
  • You libido can go from 0-100-0 regularly
  • You can get distracted during sex (which can cause you to take a long time to climax)
  • You struggle to focus and be in the moment because your mind is racing 
  • You get sensory overload during the deed 
  • You get distracted by the texture of the sheets, your clothes or theirs 
  • Your rejection sensitivity can be triggered easily during intimate moments 
  • You change your mind on what you like, leaving your partner guessing 

These are just a few things that you may or may not be experiencing….and this is from a VERY long list that I have identified over the years that myself or the hundreds of clients I have worked with in this space have experienced.

Did any of these resonate with you?


Emotional Regulation

Throughout my years of having ADHD, it’s taken me a hot minute to start to really understand myself, what makes me tick and very simple little things in my day that can help me feel as though I am staying on top of things.

Don’t get me wrong….some days, I implement NONE of these little tips and hacks I am sharing with you – that is just reality of having ADHD. Some days we just need to cut ourselves a break and do what we can.

This one is for those who are in a romantic relationship. Today’s share is something that will take a little more time. BUT something very important in our ADHD jourmey. 

ADHDers here are my top 3 tips if you struggle to emotionally regulate and it impacts your relationship:

  • Learn your triggers – what usually leads you to being emotionally dysregulated? 
  • Have a “safe” place – recognise when you are dysregulated and remove yourself and go to that safe place (eg a toilet, backyard, car). Let your partner know about this and why you are going there.
  • Learn to reflect – after you have calmed down and are regulated again take a moment to reflect on the situation and think about what worked and what made it worse!

This is going to look SO different for all of us, but something really important to begin to understand.


Strategy: Body Doubling

You may relate – as an ADHDer I found that tackling tedious (or sometimes even routine tasks like folding a bunch of washing), something that takes me SO long to do. I will easily get distracted, just not do it or forget all together. 

Have you ever heard of Body Doubling? Body doubling is the practice of completing tasks TOGETHER to stay on track and have someone keep you accountable and is extremely helpful for ADHDers! I thought you might like to see a list of how Baz and I use body doubling to help me tackle routine tasks.

Note: I am using Baz as my ‘body double’ in these instances but of course you can do this with anyone – a family member, friend, housemate etc. If you prefer to find an alternative to doing these types of things by yourself but still keep you accountable, check out the ‘Dubbi’ app!

  • Brushing my teeth (or I can just forget to do it!)
  • Cooking (helps me to not burn so much)
  • Folding washing
  • Eating!! 
  • Going to the gym or any kind of exercise 
  • General cleaning
  • Evening house reset (spend 15 minutes doing a reset and tidy of the house

Do you find you have been doing this without even realising?? 


Relationships and ADHD

I have heard this over and over again….

“You are so lucky that your partner understands and accepts your ADHD”

I’m not lucky. It’s an expectation that I have set for myself and my relationship. I understand that a healthy and happy relationship happens when BOTH parties work together as a TEAM.

I have attributes and characteristics that are both strengths and challenges. So does Barry. If you are a human being you also have attributes and characteristics, some of which are strengths and some of which are challenges.

Yes ADHD can be a challenge but do you know what else can be a challenge in a relationship:

➡️ Trauma, attachment issues, anxiety, depression, health issues, financial issues, past choices… LITERALLY ANYTHING.

I’m sorry, but if your partner is not willing to understand or learn about your ADHD so that you can both thrive together then the issue isn’t ADHD.

In case that wasn’t clear… You aren’t asking too much ❤️

EVERYONE deserves love and support in their relationship irrespective of ADHD.Clearly I’m passionate about this 👀 🔥